At last. The features I’ve been working on (sweating over) for weeks published in yesterday’s Daily Reflector. You can read them here.
This morning, as I stammered into the kitchen at 6:45 a.m. … much later than usual (5 a.m.) I realized I had missed the audio diary which was airing on Public Radio … I caught the last two or three minutes … I may have overslept on purpose … I get so nervous these days about anything that appears publicly.
You don’t have to be a writer to understand that fear. All of us have to endure difficult sessions of some kind or the other. Either we make presentations, or have to speak frankly with a boss, have to announce something we’d rather not. Or, we have to buck up and stand up for ourselves, you know, be assertive.
Those situations can be unsettling … but sometimes, when I realize things I’ve written will be read by others … it terrifies me to the core. It feels a lot like those dreams where you’re walking around without clothes on. I’m thinking, Why am I walking around like this? I am so embarrassed …
Writing is like that. Sometimes when I look at what I’ve done, I realize it’s the same as walking around naked. It is to utterly expose yourself… everyone can see my flaws and my very soul is on display. For uncertain renumeration, certain criticism and questionable status, every day, I write.
So begins another week … today I’m working on the story about the woman in Paris who’s being poisoned … or not … I have a new approach I’m going to try, a diary form.
Writers are like actors on a stage: If you look beyond the footlights at all the faces waiting expectantly for your next line, you will become paralyzed with fear. Interesting that an act so solitary and private bears fruit that is so open and public.
Good luck with the new approach to your Paris story!
Just read the Kerouac articles in the Reflector. Beautifully done! Hard to believe you sweated over them; they flow so easily and seem so effortless, so natural. Brava!